Different

Today marks the saddest day in my life so far.

I have just come to realize that by being who I am, and that is by being different, I have effectively ruined all my chances at a normal and happy life.

I look at you, and I thought to myself, I'd probably should go up and say hi. But then I realize, I'm not exactly in the position to do that. I lack a certain quality that many possess. And I know for one, that if I, in any way, decides to develop our relationship further into more than just strangers, I'd send you running in the opposite direction.

People say the greatest pain is inflicted when you get rejection from the person you love, but the truth is, the greatest pain comes when you know you can never tell that person how much you love them because you know that by doing so, not only will you get rejection, you acquire their hatred towards you.

And that, tears your heart apart into a million pieces.

And you'd think things would be fine with all your friends around you. Truth is, as much as they try to understand you, as understanding as they may sound, they can never comprehend the magnitude of the pain you are going through. They just can't. They can never imagine, that feeling of not being able to control that aspect of your life.

Its not a choice. Its not a blessing. Its a curse. And I really want to make full use out of it, to really turn it into something good, something I can be happy about. But once so often, things transpire like what happened tonight, and that sends me plunging downwards, reminding me of just how different I am and how by being different, I can never have what other people do.

This time, I give up, I really do. I cannot do this anymore. My heart has been broken far too many times.

I give up on being myself. If the world wants me to be someone that I'm not, I will just have to comply.