Family

This entire post is dedicated to my family, who after all these years, have not given up on me and had provided me with such a great opportunity to be where I am now.

Dad, you were always there for me when I needed it. But I never knew how to turn to you, because deep down inside I have always respected you as a very wonderful father. I know sometimes, I might say stupid things to make you angry, or that my opinion on things or the things I do are not the things and opinions you'd like me to be doing or having. Dad, I have always craved for acceptance from you, had always blamed you for not loving me enough but I never realized that you really love me a lot. If not out of love, why would you always disagree with me. You wanted me to grow and to learn how to get up when I fall. You wanted me to learn how to be strong. That was why you were always so harsh to me. I take it as being harsh, but never realized the pain you are going through when you have to get all angry just to make me understand. Now I understand, because in this foreign country that I'm in right now, no one cares whether or not they hurt my feelings. And I realize, if not for you being so harsh to me last time, I might not be able to tolerate what other's do to me here. Dad, you always told Mom that I never appreciate you as much as I do to Mom, or that I didn't love you as much as I did to Mom. It's just like how I always complained about you loving Bro more than you do to me. But deep down inside, I know that you'll always love us both just the same. Because like what you always say, we are always your 心肝寶貝.

I never knew how to say thank you. I never knew how to say I love you. Because I know you wouldn't like a man showing his emotions. But then, I realize most of the time, deep down inside, you, like me, just want to pretend to be strong, because you don't want your loved ones to worry. You don't know how afraid I was, when there was once, I dreamt of you dying of cancer. You don't know how sad I am each time I see you smoking a cigarette. Even though you never gave a second thought to it, I always feel sad that you are wasting away your life like this. I know it keep s your mind off things, but still I love you, and I don't want to see you peeling away your life bit by bit.

Dad, thanks for all the things you've done for me. Thanks, for being there when I needed someone to talk to, eventhough most of the time I never choose to confide in you, it is not because I don't love you, but because I don't want you to worry or get disappointed at me weeping over some small matter. I am sorry you gave birth to a sensitive child like me. I know my emotional constipation always gets on your nerve, but I really can't help it. I am born the way I am.


Dad, I love you. From the deepest reachest of my heart, I do. Here in Australia, I am proud to tell people that my dad calls me 大屁股! Because that just shows how much we love each other.

Mom. You've always been there for me all these years. You've always been supportive with everything I do. Sometimes, you don't, you disagree and then I get angry at you and start avoiding you. But then after a moment, I realize the wisdom in your decisions. You've always been a great mom to me. Who would have thought of a mother who always wants to keep themselves updated with the newest music? And a mom who chooses to wear Espirit, youngster stuff. Mom, when you told me that you'll support whatever decisions I make here in Trinity, you don't know how touched I was. When you left to go back to Malaysia, leaving me here all alone, I cried. I never wanted you to know that, because I never wanted you to worry. I still remember, when I was around six, you went to Jakarta for work. You went missing for only three days. I cried for three nights. I know, countless times I've disappointed you in life. Never finishing up my homework, failing to keep my promise everytime, and always accusing you and dad of not loving me enough. But I never knew just why you work until late at night and come back all grumpy. Until now. I know. It was all for me. For my present comfort, and my future glory. All the little things you do, they were all for me and bro.


And when we had our family problems, during nights when I see you crying. I cry too. I never want to see you sad mom but all the time I make you sad. I cry myself at night, for being not good enough for you guys. I dunno why I can never seem to accomplish what I wish to. Maybe I was being born stupid, but that shouldn't be the case, since I have great parents like you guys. But why? Mom, I really don't know why. I used to disappoint you so much, that you cried when you were scolding me. I cry too, and you think it's because you were scolding me, but deep down inside, it was my way of apologizing to you. My way of saying, Mom, I'm sorry!

Mom, I really miss you a lot. I miss the times when I'd talk about stupid things to you, and you'd answer stupid answers to me. I miss the times when we'd go singing together and you'd tell me about your experiences. I miss going shopping with you. I miss seeing you everyday in different outfits to work. I miss sitting just beside you. And I still remember, that time at Italy, when we lost everything we had, you were crying so painfully. My heart ached so much. But then I realized, even when we have lost everything, we still have each other. That, is the value of Family.

I love you Mom, I really do, and I'll never stop loving you.

Bro. I know I've never been a good brother to you. Most of the time, I'd just try to make life a living hell for you. But deep down inside, I love you more than anyone else in this world. You are the only one besides Mom and Dad who has the same blood flowing inside of your body. It must be fated for us to be born in the same family, but I always failed to realize that. I know you love me too, but like me, you have weird ways of expressing it.

I always scold and insult you, and put you down. It is not because I really want to see you fall each time, but because I want you to be strong, so that you can learn how to crawl up on your own. At nights, while you are asleep, I'd get up just to check and see whether or not you are covered properly under the blanket. When you are playing the computer on times when you shouldn't, I always try to help you check if mom's back. And on the countless times that we've fought each other, I always wanted, in the end, to just hug you and say I'm sorry.

Bro, you have no idea just how much I love you. I just don't know how to show it. That's all.

My family might not be as big as others, and might not be as rich as others. But nevertheless, we have a bond that is inseparable. I love my family, because they, apart from my friends, are the only ones that love me. The only ones that will never give up on me. The only ones who truly care bout me. The only ones whom I will never regret knowing. The only ones that I will forever truly love.

Mom, Dad , Hang. I love you guys. And I miss you, all of you.